The Golden Phone
And other over priced fodder from our grifter and chief
Monday morning my notifications were accosted by news of the trump organization announcing Trump Mobile.
The article that I read detailed that there was a licensing arrangement with T1 Mobile LLC to offer cellular phone service, and plans to roll out the “T1 Phone” which was described as a gold smartphone. This is just the most recent venture the Trump family is investing in to separate the wanna-be dictator’s cult followers from their money. Other current grifts, which were all listed in the financial disclosure form filed on Friday include
the Greenwood bible AKA the God Bless the USA bible - raking in $1.3 million in royalty payments
Trump watches - $2.8 million
shoes, fragrances - $2.5 million
guitars - $1.1 million (listed as “from a ‘45’ guitar” in the article)
The “45” guitar puzzled me, so we looked it up only to discover that there is a site called “get trump guitars” where someone with money to waste can blow it big time in a variety of fashion. With acoustic and electric options available of the “Limited Edition ‘45’ Guitar” for $1,250 and $1,500 respectively. There is even the “Signature Edition” which for a paltry $10,000 someone who is truly delusional can acquire an acoustic guitar signed by the TACO himself!
If you’re curious about the full AP writ-up, click on the link in the caption of the picture below, which is from the article.
While looking at the AP article from November 2024 about Trump’s guitar business I noticed a list of other ventures that were listed as being launched during his turd, I mean third Presidential campaign which in addition to the list of things on his financial disclosure from last week, included the infamous cryptocurrency and photo books. Photo books???
Alright, I’ll bite. What is he publishing in a picture book for his followers? Turns out his book titled “Save America” according to AP,
“is a collection of pictures, anecdotes and reminiscences from Trump’s presidential campaigns and term in office. In it, Trump defended his widely criticized Helsinki meeting with Putin, in which Trump said he gave equal weight to the Russian president’s claims not to have interfered in the 2020 presidential election as to the conclusions of U.S. intelligence agencies.”
But hidden among the pictures and anecdotes is something that might be even more significant to the 2024 elections. A threat “to imprison Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg if the tech mogul does anything this year akin to his $400 million donation to local election offices in 2020.” according to the August 2024 AP article.
“We are watching him closely,” Trump wrote to conclude his section on Zuckerberg, “and if he does anything illegal this time he will spend the rest of his life in prison — as will others who cheat in the 2024 Presidential Election.”
Meta, as Zuckerberg has renamed his company, had no comment on the book Thursday. Zuckerberg praised Trump’s defiant fist-waving after the assassination attempt and in a letter to Congress this week said the Biden administration pressured Facebook to remove misinformation about COVID-19 during the pandemic.
Copies of this book are alleged to sell for $99 and signed copies going for $499.
I think the irony of Mark Zuckerberg’s contribution to the 2024 Trump campaign is lost on most people because it’s been lost to the dust of history. Zuckerberg took a publicly neutral stance in 2024 but Meta, formerly Facebook, made a $1,000,000 donation to Trump’s inauguration committee.
But I digress from the original list of diaper bin worthy grifted goods.
I want to take a moment to point out the originality and creativity of the web sites for the following Trump endorsed products.
These look like something the secondary villain, Goldmember, from the third Austin Powers movie would wear!
I don’t know who would take fragrance suggestions from Donald Shitzhizpants, it probably has to unmistakable au de rotting roast beef aroma.
This gaudy gold plated hunk of wearable shit show goes for $100,000 USD. The only people dumb enough to actually want that egotistical masturbation trophy don’t even make that much in a year! Who does he think he’s peddling his wares to?!?
It is utterly hilarious that the disclaimer I’ve highlighted green in the above screen shot exists. It would be EPIC if someone ordered one of these clown branded billionaire equivalents to guys driving lifted trucks and instead of it saying “TRUMP” across the face it says “Made in China” , “OBAMA”, “BIDEN”, or better yet “FELON”!
The day god intervened edition bible, AKA the day the country collectively said “SHIT! He missed!”
I want to know how one takes the entire King James version of the Bible, makes the text LARGER for easy reading, adds the Pledge of Allegiance, the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, the US Constitution (oh the irony!), and hand written chorus to “God Bless The USA” and by some feat of TARDIS physics was able to make it into a “slim design”!
The fact that there is a specific entry about sticky pages and an entire video provided on how to deal with said sticky pages, elicits an entire terrible tangent in my now traumatized mind, regardless of how relevant it is to the product.
All this to say that I’m thoroughly disgusted with the idea of Trump Mobile and every other self enrichment oriented scam he’s running out of the oval office.
This is my first earnest attempt at furious and disgusted comedy. If you enjoyed this and would like to see more of this type of writing, consider a one time donation to my mental health fund via ko-fi.com/harahcookie because this made my brain melt.